Work and coworkers

Many adults spend more waking hours with coworkers than with anyone else. Yet it's common to feel alone at work: surrounded by people, but not close to any of them. A Gallup survey in 2022 found that only about 2 in 10U.S. employees who say they have a best friend at work (Gallup, 2022)As of August 16, 2022.Gallup survey of U.S. employees, June 2022.Source: Gallup: The Increasing Importance of a Best Friend at Work U.S. employees said they have a best friend at work.

Work friendships don't have to be deep to matter. A few friendly faces can make the day lighter.

Why work friendships don't just happen

• Work time isn't the same as friend time. Research by Jeffrey Hall suggests that hours spent working side by side count less toward friendship than time spent chatting, joking or relaxing together.
• Busy schedules and back-to-back meetings leave little room to talk.
• Remote and hybrid work cut out hallway chats.
• Worry about seeming unprofessional keeps people guarded.
• Power differences make friendships with a manager or someone you supervise tricky.

Small ways to connect at work

• Greet people by name when you arrive and leave.
• Ask about their life, and remember it: "How did your daughter's recital go?"
• Take real breaks. Eat lunch with others, or ask someone to walk to get coffee.
• Notice good work out loud. "That presentation was really clear." People remember kindness.
• Offer help when someone's swamped, and accept help too.
• Show up to optional things sometimes: a team lunch, a birthday cake, a volunteer day.
• Bring something to share: snacks, a book you liked, a plant cutting.

Groups at work

Many larger workplaces have:

• Employee resource groups (ERGs). Groups for employees who share an identity or experience, such as parents, veterans, women, LGBTQ+ people, people with disabilities or particular cultures, and their allies. They are a ready-made way to meet people across teams.
• Clubs and teams: running groups, book clubs, sports leagues, volunteer committees.
• Mentoring programs: being a mentor or mentee builds a real one-to-one connection.

If your workplace has none, you could start something small, like a monthly lunch or a walking group. See Start something: a group, a dinner, a club.

Remote and hybrid work

Remote work can be very isolating. Some things that help:

• Turn your camera on sometimes, and arrive early to calls to chat.
• Set up short "virtual coffees" with one coworker, 15 minutes, no agenda.
• Use the non-work chat channels (pets, cooking, music) or start one.
• Say something human in messages: a quick "Hope your week's going okay."
• Meet in person when you can, even once a quarter.
• Build connection outside work too, because remote work removes much of the daily contact others get. See Remote work, night shifts and long hours.

Healthy boundaries

Work friendships are good for you, but they come with some special care.

• Go slow with personal details. Share at the pace that feels right, and remember that what you say can travel.
• Be careful with gossip. It can feel like bonding, but it often backfires.
• Friendships with your manager or your direct reports are possible but complicated. Keep things fair and open.
• Keep work and friendship separate when you need to: disagreeing at work doesn't have to end a friendship.
• Don't make work your only source of connection. If you leave or the job changes, you could lose everyone at once.
• Know your workplace policies on dating and on relationships between managers and staff.

If you're being bullied, harassed or left out on purpose, that's not a friendship problem. Write down what happens and when, and talk to human resources, a union representative or another trusted person.

Leaving a job or retiring

Leaving work can mean losing a large part of your social life overnight. This surprises many people.

Before you leave:

• Note the coworkers you'd like to stay in touch with, and get their personal contact details. My people can keep a private list.
• Tell them directly: "I'd really like to stay in touch. Coffee next month?"

After you leave:

• Set a date for the first meetup soon, before the habit fades.
• Join or start a former-coworkers lunch or online group.
• Expect some ties to fade. That's normal. Work friendships often rest on shared daily life, and a few will last.
• Replace the structure work gave you: a class, a volunteer shift, a weekly group. See Volunteering and Groups, hobbies, classes and clubs.

If you've retired, see After retirement. If you've lost your job, see Money worries, job loss and low income.

If you work alone or have no coworkers

Self-employed people, gig workers, caregivers and people working at home can try:

• Coworking spaces or library work areas, to be around others while you work.
• Professional groups, trade associations or online communities in your field.
• Regular "work dates" with another solo worker at a café.