Religious and spiritual communities

For many people, a religious or spiritual community is where they see the same faces every week. Some grew up in one. Some come back after many years. Some have never gone and wonder if they'd be welcome. Some have been hurt and want nothing to do with it.

All of these are fine. This page is not about what to believe. It describes what these communities can offer when you feel alone, how to visit, and what to do if it doesn't feel right. If faith isn't for you, the section on non-religious options is near the end.

What a congregation can offer

Beyond worship, many congregations offer things that are hard to find elsewhere:

• Weekly contact. The same people, the same place, the same time. Seeing people again and again is one of the main ways strangers become friends.
• Shared meals. Coffee after a service, potlucks, holiday dinners, free community meals.
• Small groups. Study groups, prayer or meditation circles, choirs, men's and women's groups, parents' groups, groups for young adults or seniors.
• Ways to serve. Food pantries, visiting the sick, building projects, refugee support. Helping side by side is an easy way to get to know people. See Volunteering.
• Support at big life moments. Births, weddings, illness, moving, divorce and death. Many congregations bring meals, visit, and sit with people who are grieving.
• People of every age in one room, which is rare in daily life.

Many also have a leader (a pastor, priest, rabbi, imam, granthi, teacher or chaplain) who will listen to you privately, often for free, whether or not you are a member.

What research says

Studies link regular attendance at religious services with better well-being. In a 2019 Pew Research Center analysis, 36%U.S. adults who attend religious services at least monthly and say they are "very happy" (Pew, 2019)As of January 31, 2019."Actively religious" means attending services at least once a month. A survey at one point in time: it shows a link, not that attending causes happiness.Source: Pew Research Center: Religion's Relationship to Happiness, Civic Engagement and Health Around the World of Americans who attend at least monthly called themselves "very happy", compared with 25%U.S. adults who rarely attend, or have no religion, and say they are "very happy" (Pew, 2019)As of January 31, 2019.The figure was 25% both for people with a religion who rarely attend and for people with no religion.Source: Pew Research Center: Religion's Relationship to Happiness, Civic Engagement and Health Around the World of those who rarely attend or have no religion. People who attend were also more likely to belong to other groups, like charities or sports clubs (58%Actively religious U.S. adults who are also active in at least one non-religious group, such as a charity or sports club (Pew, 2019)As of January 31, 2019.Compared with 51% of people who rarely attend and 39% of people with no religion.Source: Pew Research Center: Religion's Relationship to Happiness, Civic Engagement and Health Around the World).

Be careful with what this means. These surveys show a link, not proof that attending causes happiness. People who are already healthy and outgoing may be more likely to go. Researchers think much of the benefit may come from belonging, routine and support, which some non-religious groups also offer. The U.S. Surgeon General's 2023 advisory on loneliness lists faith communities among the places people find connection.

Your first visit

Walking in alone can feel hard. Some things that help:

• Look at the website first. Check service times, what to wear, and whether there is a newcomers' welcome, a coffee hour or a meal.
• Call or email ahead if you are nervous. Say "I'm thinking of visiting for the first time." Most places are glad to hear it, and someone may meet you at the door.
• Go to something small if a big service feels like too much: a class, a meal, a volunteer shift, a midweek gathering.
• Watch and follow. It's fine to sit and observe. No one expects you to know the words, the songs or when to stand.
• Stay afterward. Get a drink, stand near the food, and say "I'm new here." Ask one person how long they have been coming.
• Go three times before deciding. The first visit is often the most awkward one.

You don't have to give your contact details, join anything, or give money to visit.

If you feel unwelcome

Sometimes people feel ignored, judged or out of place, because of their age, race, sexuality, gender, divorce, disability, income, or just because no one said hello.

• It may be that place, not every place. Congregations of the same faith can feel very different. Try another one, or a different service time.
• Ask directly. "Are LGBTQ+ people welcome here?" or "Is there anything for people my age?" A clear answer saves you time. Some congregations say on their website that they welcome everyone. See LGBTQ+ people.
• Ask for access needs. Many places offer large-print texts, hearing loops, livestreams, or rides.
• You owe no one an explanation. You can stop going at any time.

If you've been hurt by religion

Some people carry real pain from a religious group: shame, rejection, control or abuse. Feeling alone after leaving a community you grew up in is common, because you may lose friends and family ties all at once.

You don't have to go back to anything to heal. Some people find a counselor helpful, especially one who understands religious trauma. See Getting help. Others find peer support groups for people who have left high-control groups. Some later find a different spiritual home; many build community in other ways. Both paths are valid.

If you are being abused or controlled by anyone, religious or not, you deserve help. See Need to talk right now?.

Traditions, in alphabetical order

These are short, general notes. Every tradition is varied, and local customs differ. When in doubt, ask someone at the door.

Buddhist

Many Buddhist temples and meditation centers hold group meditation, talks on teachings (often called dharma talks) and classes for beginners. Many sessions are free or ask for a donation. The community itself is often called the sangha. Some temples also serve particular cultural communities, with festivals and shared meals.

Christian

Churches range widely: Catholic, Orthodox, many kinds of Protestant, evangelical, Pentecostal, historically Black churches, Quaker meetings and more. Many have Sunday services with coffee afterward, small groups or Bible studies, choirs, meals, and groups for grief, divorce or recovery. Many Christians see welcoming strangers as part of their faith.

Hindu

Hindu temples (mandirs) welcome visitors for prayer and darshan, the viewing of a sacred image. Many hold group singing (bhajans or kirtan), classes, and big festivals like Diwali, Holi and Navaratri, often with shared food. Visitors usually remove their shoes. Cultural associations offer another way to connect.

Jewish

Synagogues hold Shabbat services from Friday evening to Saturday, and many invite guests to Shabbat meals. There are Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist and other communities, plus study groups and holiday celebrations. Many communities gather around mourners for shiva and for daily prayers. Jewish Community Centers are often open to people of any background.

Muslim

Mosques hold the five daily prayers and a weekly Friday prayer (Jumu'ah). During Ramadan, many hold evening meals (iftars) to break the fast, and some invite neighbors of other faiths. Many have study circles, youth groups and community events. Visitors usually remove shoes and dress modestly; women may be asked to cover their hair.

Sikh

Gurdwaras are open to everyone. Most serve langar, a free vegetarian meal shared by all who come, whatever their faith or background. Volunteering in the kitchen, called seva (selfless service), is a common way to take part. Visitors cover their heads and remove shoes; head coverings are often provided.

Other traditions

Bahá'í communities often hold devotional gatherings and study circles that are open to all. Jain temples and associations hold worship, festivals and shared vegetarian meals. Indigenous spiritual practices usually belong to specific nations and communities; if you are not part of one, ask respectfully and follow the community's lead. Pagan and Wiccan groups may hold open circles or seasonal celebrations. Many other faiths, including Shinto, Taoist and Zoroastrian communities, have local gatherings in some cities.

Unitarian Universalist and interfaith

Unitarian Universalist congregations welcome people of many beliefs, including people who don't believe in God. Many focus on shared values, service and social justice. Interfaith councils and groups bring people of different faiths together for dialogue, meals and service.

Non-religious options

You don't need a religion to have a weekly community.

• Sunday Assembly is a network of secular gatherings with talks, songs and service projects. It started in London in 2013; some local groups are active in the U.S. and elsewhere. Check its website for a group near you.
• Humanist groups meet for talks, social events and volunteering. The American Humanist Association lists local groups on its website.
• Secular meditation groups, service clubs, choirs and community dinners can give the same weekly rhythm. See Groups, hobbies, classes and clubs.

As one old text puts it, "It is not good that the man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18, KJV). Whatever you believe, you deserve people who notice when you're missing.