Immigrants, refugees and expats

Moving to a new country can be one of the loneliest things a person does. You may have left family, friends, a language you think in, food you grew up with, and the feeling of knowing how things work. This is true whether you came by choice, for work or study, as a refugee, or to join family.

Feeling alone after this kind of move is not weakness. It is a natural response to losing almost everything familiar at once.

What makes it hard

• Language. Even if you speak the language well, jokes, slang and fast talk can leave you on the outside. Making friends in a second language is tiring.
• Culture shock. Small rules differ: how close people stand, how often friends call, whether you visit without warning, how people show warmth. It's easy to feel you're getting it wrong.
• Distance from family. Time zones, the cost of travel and visa rules can keep you apart from the people closest to you. Missing weddings, births and funerals hurts.
• Starting over. Your work experience or qualifications may not count here. Losing status can bring shame and make you want to hide.
• Worry and stress. Paperwork, money, housing and, for some, fear about legal status or trauma from what you left behind.

Ways to connect

People from your own background

• Cultural and community associations. Many cities have groups for people from a particular country, region or language. They hold festivals, meals, sports and holiday events.
• Faith communities. Places of worship often serve as a second home for newcomers, with services in familiar languages and practical help. See Religious and spiritual communities.
• Shops and restaurants that serve your community are often good places to ask what is going on.

People in your new home

• Language and conversation classes. Many libraries, community colleges, adult schools and faith groups offer free or low-cost English (ESL) or local-language classes and conversation circles.
• Volunteering. Helping out is a way to meet locals and practice the language. See Volunteering.
• Hobbies and sports. A football (soccer) team, cooking class or choir needs less language than a dinner party. See Groups, hobbies, classes and clubs.
• Other newcomers. People from other countries often understand you better than anyone. International groups, language exchanges and newcomer meetups bring you together.

Try to have both: a group that feels like home, and a group that helps you belong where you are now.

Practical help

• Resettlement and immigrant service agencies. In the U.S., nonprofits such as the International Rescue Committee (opens in a new tab) and many local and faith-based groups help refugees and other immigrants with housing, jobs, English classes and legal questions. Ask at your library or city hall what exists near you.
• Dial 211. In most of the U.S. and Canada, you can dial 211 or visit 211.org (opens in a new tab) or 211.ca (opens in a new tab) to find local services. Calls are confidential. In Canada, 211 offers help in more than 150 languages.
• Libraries help with computers, forms, job searches and citizenship study materials, usually for free.

Staying connected to home

Calls and messages to family and friends back home are a lifeline. Keep them. But some people end up living mainly online with home and never building a life where they are. That can deepen loneliness over time.

Some ideas for balance:

• Set regular call times with family, so you know when you'll talk.
• Bring home to your new place. Cook your food and invite someone new to share it. Teach a neighbor a holiday tradition.
• Share your new life with home, too, so they can picture where you are.

Children and older relatives

Children often learn the language faster and may end up translating for parents. That can be a heavy load and can change family roles. Older relatives who came to join family may feel the most isolated of all, with no work or school to meet people. Look for programs for older adults in your language, or bring them to community events. See Older adults.

If it gets too heavy

Grief for the life you left, past trauma, or worry about your status can weigh a lot. Talking helps. Many counselors and peer groups work in other languages or with interpreters. See Getting help: therapy, free and low-cost options and Help outside the U.S.. If you are in danger or thinking of ending your life, go to Need to talk right now?.