Screens, gaming, gambling, porn and other habits

When you feel alone, some things are always there for you. The phone. The game. The betting app. Videos. Online shopping. Work. The fridge. They ask nothing of you and give a quick lift.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying any of these. But sometimes a habit quietly takes the place of people, sleep and the things that matter to you. This page helps you tell the difference, without shame.

Signs a habit is replacing people

• You spend more time on it than you mean to, again and again.
• You turn to it mainly to escape loneliness, boredom, stress or sadness.
• You skip plans, calls or sleep for it.
• You feel worse afterward: empty, ashamed, anxious or more alone.
• You hide it or lie about it.
• You've tried to cut back and couldn't.
• It is costing you money, health, work or relationships.

If several of these fit, the habit may be working against you. Some of these can become a behavioral addiction.

Endless scrolling

Social media and video apps are designed to keep you watching. Some people use them to stay close to friends. Others end up comparing themselves to everyone else's best moments and feel worse.

Try:

• Turn off non-urgent notifications.
• Move the most tempting apps off your home screen.
• Charge your phone outside the bedroom.
• Use your phone to reach out, not just to watch: send one message for every few minutes you scroll.

See Social media: what helps and what hurts and Phones, apps and the way we connect now.

Gaming

Gaming can be a real source of friendship. Many people have close friends they met in online games, guilds or voice chats, and playing together can keep long-distance friendships alive.

The World Health Organization recognizes "gaming disorder", a pattern of lost control over gaming that seriously harms daily life, usually for at least a year. It says this affects only a small share of people who play.

Healthy signs: you play with people you talk to, you can stop when you choose, and you still sleep, eat, work or study.

Warning signs: gaming all night, missing school or work, spending money you can't afford on in-game items, or feeling angry or low when you can't play.

Try: set a stop time before you start; play with others rather than alone; turn on spending limits; and if gaming friends matter to you, suggest a video call or meeting in person.

Gambling and sports betting

Sports betting apps put a casino in your pocket, open all day and night. Losses can pile up fast, and gambling problems often bring secrecy, debt and shame, which deepen loneliness.

Warning signs: chasing losses, betting more to feel the same thrill, borrowing or hiding money, feeling restless when you try to stop, or betting to escape bad feelings.

Try:

• Delete the betting apps.
• Use deposit limits and self-exclusion tools. Many legal betting apps offer them, and some U.S. states run self-exclusion lists.
• Ask your bank whether it can block gambling payments on your card; some banks can.
• Let a trusted person help with money for a while.

Help in the U.S.: The National Problem Gambling Helpline, run by the National Council on Problem Gambling, is free, confidential and open 24/7. Call or text 1-800-MY-RESET (1-800-697-3738), or chat online at ncpgambling.org/chat (opens in a new tab). The older number, 1-800-522-4700, still works too.

Groups: Gamblers Anonymous has free meetings in person, online and by phone at gamblersanonymous.org (opens in a new tab). SMART Recovery groups also cover gambling.

If gambling has left you with debt, see Money worries, job loss and low income.

Pornography

Many people watch pornography sometimes. For some, it becomes a way to numb loneliness that leaves them feeling more cut off, more ashamed, or less interested in real relationships.

Signs it may be a problem: you watch more than you want, it takes time from sleep or people, it causes trouble in a relationship, or you feel you can't stop.

Try: notice the moments you reach for it (late at night, after a bad day, when bored); plan something else for those moments; put the device in another room at night; and consider content filters if they help you.

Help: A therapist can help without judging. SMART Recovery works on behaviors as well as substances. Celebrate Recovery, a Christian program, also includes it. Whatever your values, you deserve help without shame.

Shopping

Buying something new gives a quick lift, and packages at the door can feel like company. But debt, clutter and guilt can follow.

Try: remove saved cards from shopping sites, unsubscribe from sale emails, wait 48 hours before any non-essential purchase, and ask "What am I really wanting right now?" Debtors Anonymous has meetings in person, by phone and online for people whose debt is causing problems in their lives: debtorsanonymous.org (opens in a new tab).

Overworking

Work can feel safe and useful when the rest of life feels empty. And some jobs reward long hours. But if work leaves no room for anyone, loneliness tends to grow in the gaps.

Try: set a firm end time a few days a week, protect one evening or weekend block for people or something you enjoy, and take your breaks with coworkers. See Remote work, night shifts and long hours and Work and coworkers.

Food

Eating for comfort is very common, especially when eating alone. If it often feels out of control, comes with shame, or is linked to restricting or purging, it may be more than a habit.

Help: Overeaters Anonymous has free meetings in person, by phone and online at oa.org (opens in a new tab). For eating disorders in the U.S., ANAD runs a free helpline (1-888-375-7767, weekdays) and free peer support groups. See also Sleep, food and movement and Living with a mental health condition.

Practical steps for any habit

1. Name the need. Before you reach for it, ask: Am I lonely? Bored? Tired? Stressed? Sad?
2. Have a swap ready for that need: a text to a friend, a walk, a shower, music, a call to a warmline.
3. Add friction. Make the habit a bit harder: log out, delete the app, put the device in another room.
4. Add people. Plan regular time with others, even small. See Small first steps.
5. Expect slips. A slip is information, not failure. Start again.
6. Tell someone. Secrets grow in the dark.

When to get more help

If a habit is hurting your money, health, work or relationships, or you've tried to cut back and can't, talk to a doctor or counselor. See Getting help. If the habit goes along with very low mood or thoughts of suicide, see Need to talk right now?