Students and graduates

College is supposed to be full of friends and late-night talks. For many students, especially at first, it's lonely instead. You might be surrounded by thousands of people and eat most meals alone. Social media shows everyone else at parties. It's easy to think you're the only one.

You're not. Young adults report more loneliness than any other age group in global surveys. Many of the people around you feel the same way and are hiding it, just like you.

Why it happens

• The first-year transition. You lose your old friends, routines and family all at once. Everyone seems to form groups in the first few weeks, and it can feel like you missed the boat. (You didn't. Groups shift a lot during the first year.)
• Commuting or living off campus. It's harder to bump into people when you leave right after class.
• Working while studying. Jobs eat the hours when others are socializing.
• Being the first in your family to go to college. You may feel caught between two worlds.
• Being different from most students in age, race, faith, culture, sexuality, disability or money.
• Online classes. Fewer chances for small talk before and after class.

International students

Studying in another country adds a lot: a new language or accent, different food, unfamiliar social rules, time zones that make it hard to call home, and sometimes worry about visas or money.

Things that help:

• The international student office. Most campuses have one. They often run orientation events, conversation partner programs and trips.
• Cultural and student associations from your country or region can feel like home. Also try at least one group that mixes everyone, so you build friendships in your new country too.
• Faith communities near campus, if that fits you, often welcome international students and host meals.
• Keep a routine for calls home, so they comfort you without keeping you from making new friends.

Grad students

Graduate school can be very isolating. You may work alone on research for long hours, compete with others in your program, and live far from friends and family. Advisors can be supportive or not.

Ideas:

• Start or join a writing group or "study hall" where people work side by side.
• Go to department social hours, even briefly.
• Join a graduate student association or a club outside your field.
• Make one friend outside academia, so not every conversation is about your work.

How to start

Pick one or two groups and stick with them

Club fairs can be overwhelming. Choose one or two that interest you and go back each week. Friendships grow from repeated time together. One study found it took more than 200 hoursTime together it took to become close friends, in one study of adults (Hall, University of Kansas, 2018)As of March 28, 2018.The same study found roughly 50 hours to become casual friends.Source: University of Kansas: Study reveals number of hours it takes to make a friend together to become close friends, so be patient with yourself.

Good bets include intramural or club sports, music and theater, volunteering groups, cultural and faith groups, gaming and hobby clubs, student newspapers or radio, and student government.

Use small moments

• Sit in the same spot in class and say hi to the people near you.
• Ask a classmate to study together before an exam.
• Leave your door open in the residence hall when you're around.
• Eat in the dining hall instead of in your room, and ask, "Mind if I sit here?"

Get a campus job

Jobs in the library, rec center or dining hall come with built-in coworkers.

Talk to your resident advisor or an advisor

They've seen this many times and often know about events and groups you haven't heard of.

Campus counseling

Most colleges and universities have a counseling center for enrolled students. Services are often free or low-cost, though some limit the number of sessions and may refer you elsewhere for longer care. Many also run group sessions on topics like loneliness, anxiety or adjusting to college. Group sessions can be a great way to realize you're not alone.

If your campus doesn't have counseling, or you've graduated, see Getting help for other free and low-cost options.

After graduation

Leaving school can be just as lonely as starting it. Your built-in community disappears. See Young adults and New in town for ideas.

Things to avoid

• Hiding in your room for long stretches. It feels safe but makes loneliness worse over time.
• Drinking to fit in. If parties are the only social option you've tried, look for clubs and events without alcohol. If you're worried about drinking, see Alcohol, drugs and loneliness.
• Comparing your inside to everyone's outside on social media.

If loneliness comes with hopelessness, panic, or thoughts of not wanting to be here, please reach out today.