Big cities

It can be strange to feel alone with millions of people around you. You pass hundreds of faces a day, yet no one says your name. Being surrounded by strangers can make loneliness feel sharper, not softer.

You are far from the only one. Many people in big cities feel this way, especially in the first few years, or when friends move on.

Why big cities can feel lonely

• Everyone is busy. Long commutes and long hours leave little time and energy.
• People come and go. Friends move for jobs, rent or family. You may feel you keep starting over.
• Cost. Going out often costs money, and rent can leave little left over.
• Anonymity. No one notices if you're missing. That freedom can turn into feeling invisible.
• Too many choices. With endless events, it's easy to try everything once and nothing twice.

Make the big city small

The trick is to act like you live in a village inside the city.

Become a regular

• Pick one café, bakery or corner shop and go at the same time. Learn the staff's names; let them learn yours.
• Use the same gym, pool or park at the same hour. You'll start nodding at the same faces, then chatting.
• Shop at the same market stall each week.

See Neighbors, libraries, cafés and "third places" for more.

Know your block

• Say hello to neighbors in the hall, elevator or street.
• Join a building or tenants' group, a community garden or a block clean-up.
• Use local neighborhood groups (online or on a notice board) for swaps, lost pets and local events, then go to the in-person ones.

Choose repeat over novelty

One-time events are fun, but friendships usually come from seeing the same people again. Choose things that meet weekly:

• a running or walking club
• a choir, band or community theater
• a recreational sports league
• a class that runs for several weeks
• a regular volunteer shift
• a congregation or faith group

See Groups, hobbies, classes and clubs and Volunteering.

Free and low-cost city options

Cities have more free things than most places. Look for:

• Public libraries: clubs, talks, language exchanges, game nights.
• Parks departments: free fitness classes, walking tours, community events.
• Museums with free days, and free outdoor concerts and festivals.
• Faith communities, which often have meals and groups open to all.
• Community centers, often with low-cost classes.

When friends keep leaving

If you live where many people come and go, it can feel pointless to invest. A few ideas:

• Make friends with people who have roots, such as long-time residents, local workers and older neighbors, as well as other newcomers.
• Keep in touch with those who leave. A regular call can keep a friendship alive. See Reconnecting with family and old friends.
• Be the one who stays connected, inviting new arrivals into your circle.

Staying safe while meeting people

Big cities have lots of apps and events for meeting people. They can help. Meet new people in public places first, tell a friend where you're going, and be wary of anyone who asks for money. See Friendship apps and online communities, Dating apps and Bars, clubs and meetup places.

If you feel stuck

If the loneliness hangs on or turns into low mood, you don't have to manage it alone. See Depression and loneliness and Getting help. If you are in danger, go to Need to talk right now?.