Teens and pre-teens

Feeling alone as a teen can hurt a lot. You might be surrounded by people at school all day and still feel like no one really gets you. Or you might eat lunch alone, scroll through photos of a party you weren't invited to, and wonder what's wrong with you.

Nothing is wrong with you. Feeling lonely is a signal, like hunger. It tells you that you need more connection. Lots of teens feel this way, even the ones who look popular online.

Why it can feel so hard right now

• Friend groups change. Middle school and high school shuffle people around. A best friend can drift into a new group, and that can feel like losing a family member.
• Group chats. Being left out of a chat, or watching one go quiet when you post, can sting more than people admit.
• Social media. You see everyone else's best moments. You don't see them sitting alone in their rooms, too.
• Feeling different. Maybe you're into things others aren't, or you're figuring out who you are, or your family, culture, faith, body, or way of thinking is different from most kids around you.
• Moving or changing schools. Starting over is tough at any age.
• Bullying. Being picked on, in person or online, can make you want to hide.

If you're being bullied

Bullying is never your fault. You don't have to handle it alone.

• Save proof. Take screenshots of mean messages or posts, with dates.
• Don't fight back online. It usually makes it worse. Block, mute or report the account.
• Tell an adult you trust, and keep telling until someone acts. Most schools have rules and a process for handling bullying.
• Stay near safe people in places where it happens, like the bus or hallway.

If someone threatens to hurt you, or shares private photos of you, tell a parent, school counselor or the police right away.

Where to find your people

You don't need a lot of friends. One or two people who get you can make a big difference. Good places to look are ones where you do something together, so you don't have to think of things to say.

• Clubs at school: robotics, drama, art, debate, gaming, anime, chess, a language club, the school paper.
• Teams and sports, including ones that let anyone join, like running, climbing or ultimate frisbee.
• Art, music and making things: band, choir, a library maker space, a writing group.
• Volunteering: animal shelters, food banks and parks often welcome teens. Helping others takes the focus off feeling awkward. See Volunteering.
• Youth groups at a church, mosque, synagogue, temple or community center, if that fits you.
• Online communities around something you love can help too, as long as they're kind and you stay safe (never share your address or meet someone alone).

A small trick: go to the same thing at least three or four times before you decide it's not for you. It takes time for people to recognize you and start saying hi.

How to talk to a trusted adult

A trusted adult could be a parent, aunt or uncle, grandparent, coach, teacher, school counselor, faith leader or a friend's parent.

You don't need the perfect words. You could say:

• "Can I talk to you about something? I've been feeling really alone lately."
• "Things with my friends have been weird and I don't know what to do."
• "I'm not okay and I don't know why."

If the first adult doesn't listen well, try another one. Many adults want to help but don't always know how at first.

When it's more than loneliness

Sometimes loneliness comes with feeling sad, empty, or hopeless most days, not sleeping or eating normally, or not wanting to do anything. That might be depression, and it's treatable. Please tell an adult and read Depression and loneliness.

Teen Line is run by Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services. Trained teen volunteers answer, with adult professionals backing them up. It's for people up to age 19, in English.

• Call 1-800-852-8336, 6 to 10 p.m. Pacific time. At other hours, adult counselors answer.
• Text TEEN to 839863, 6 to 9 p.m. Pacific time.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org, any time, day or night.

Screens: helpful and not

Your phone can connect you to friends. It can also make you feel worse. Notice how you feel after scrolling. If you feel jealous, left out, or down, try:

• Muting accounts that make you feel bad.
• Leaving your phone outside your bedroom at night.
• Messaging one person directly instead of just watching their posts.

More ideas are in Social media: what helps and what hurts.

You matter, and you deserve people who are glad you're around. They are out there, even if you haven't met them yet.